Valentine’s Day is here folks, the most beloved and simultaneously hated holiday in the U.S. It’s a pain when you’re single on Valentine’s Day, because it either serves as a reminder of how alone you are, or how broke you are as you try to afford a semi-decent dinner for your significant other. Anyways, for us rock climbers, climbing can serve as the best significant other. It’s always there when you need it, it consistently listens to your problems, and sometimes just fooling around on some boulder problems is just the sort of stress relief you needed. If you do find yourself single and climbing on Valentine’s Day, I’ve come up with a couple fool-proof pickup lines to use at the wall or crag, to maybe pick up another climber on this most cheesiest of cheesy holidays.
“Girl, is your harness double backed? Cuz I had to double back to get a look at you. “
Give her sling of cams the up and down, tell her “Nice rack,” and wink. Seductively.
“Is that a #2 in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
Awkwardly introduce yourself as he is gearing up for a trad lead. Ask hesitantly, “Do you like to put your fist in cracks?” Bonus points if you ask him as he’s placing gear “What size nuts are those?”
Ask her if she knows the Figure-4. If she says no, ask her if she knows what time you’ll pick her up later. She will act confused and say, “No.” Promptly respond, “I figure 4.”
Climb next to him on his boulder problem project at the gym. Make sure you both top out at the same time. Glance over, look him dead in the eyes and say, “Isn’t it great when we both finish at the same time?”
After his long day of crack climbing, as he is untaping his hands, ask, “Say, lemme look at your digits.” As he shows you his fingers, say “Nah, I meant your other digits. What’s your phone number?”
Slow sidle up to her. Give her a nod and say, “Hey.” After she responds, say “Can I call you Victory Whip?” And when she asks why, say “Cuz baby, you are off the chains.”
Ask her, “Are you single?” And if she responds “No,” then rubs your hands together and say, “Sweet. I love a closed project.”
Glance at her, clutch your heart and yell, “Quick someone tie a stopper knot! This girl’s so beautiful I’m at the end of my rope!”
These are just a few to try next time you find yourself around an attractive person at the wall. And if all else fails, just climb hard, scream loud, and they’ll for sure notice you. I mean, for sure.